Reconstruction

Today I am Grateful For~

• Dinner from the grill last night.
• Eating on the front porch and listening to the birds.
• Being okay with the change in plan for our weekend project.
• Gutting our bedroom this weekend: pulling carpet, washing walls, floors & baseboards, and painting.
• The textured paint that Richard picked out in early March. Interestingly enough, the paint is called River Rock. And although I'm not crazy about the color (Prairie Fire-it's definitely a guy color), I do love the texture and it'll look girly enough once my comforter and curtains are back in the room.
• A suggestion from a fellow customer at Aco that we choose to use a base coat close in color to the paint Richard chose. It allowed us to use only 2 gallons of the River Rock, instead of the 4 that are recommended!
• That the color does go well with paint we already have for the trim which is a girly color-Brandy Cream. Think a cream color w/a hint of warm red to it.
• Re-experiencing the sense of adventure and newness of moving in, just by sleeping in a bare room on an air mattress.
• The motivation and energy Richard provides to these projects.
• How well we work as a team.
• Shaina helping me to rearrange the livingroom, put the a/c unit in the window and clean the house, so that Richard could come home to a clean cool house after his first day of insurance class.
• How well she and I work as a team.
• Much more to type and choosing to do it later in a seperate glog entry...

Working Together

Today I am Grateful for ~

• The start of the summer projects yesterday: getting the air-conditioners out of the basement opening them up and cleaning them out.
• Today's project: cleaning up, spray painting and installing the permanent grill (no more running out of propane, woo! hoo!).
• Memorial Day Weekend projects: finishing wallpaper removal and then painting my studyroom.
• Enjoying the relaxed feeling that the warm weather brings.
• Being able to read for enjoyment.
• Timely messages from caring friends and "The Universe".
• Leo's compassion and tender heart.
• Choosing not to get carried away with projecting.
• Meals In Minutes helping me to make dinner without a lot of hassle.
• Recognizing when old beliefs are cropping up.
• Honoring my pace.
• Straight talks between Richard, Shaina and I.
• Richard being asked to work for Aflac~pending an insurance class and passing the liscensing test (both of which are scheduled for next week).
• How excited he is about this opportunity and how it has restored his faith in his competance/employability.
• Richard's generous nature when he is feeling successful.
• Each person reading this right now...

The Only Way Out Is Through

Today I am Grateful for~

• Starting to get small inklings of what I want.
• Validations from highly qualified persons.
• The doctor upping my med yesterday.
• Asking for what I want.Asking for what I want.Asking for what I want.Asking for what I want. {The computer did this when I cut and pasted the one sentence..maybe it's meaningful, so I'll leave it.}
• Love, Support and Guidance from the Universe.
• Knowing that the struggles that I've been experiencing the past month are for my growth and that I will successfully find my way through them, even if I do feel stuck & powerless.
• Realizing that a core (mistaken) belief is most likely the root of my depression.
• The accompanying awareness that when I change that belief, it's totally possible that I will experience a depression free life [ HOLY COW!!].
• Not finding what I was looking for today.
• A productive, if somewhat intense, family conversation today.
• The river and turtles sunning themselves on logs in the middle of it, chipmunks in dappled sunlight perched on fallen logs by the trail, snakes that slither just out of reach as I approach, finches and other birds I can't name sitting in the trees, hitch-hiking caterpillars, sunlight on the water, the feeling of being in the woods.
• Powerful Questions and Powerful Answers:

~What time is it? Now.

~ Where are you? Right Here.

~ Who are you? This Moment.

Taking Care of Me

Today I am Grateful for ~

• Choosing to do very little today (and the decision to keep it up for awhile).
• The opportunity for growth that it offers me.
• Spa day at home~a total body sugar scrub, followed by a soak in the tub, giving the feet a salty rub (ha, ha, just felt like keeping the rhyme going!), standing under the blissful feeling of never ending hot water, and topping everything off with a blow-dry and complete hot-to-trot makeup application. Ah-h-hhh!
• Seeing pretty underwear in Cosmo (which I rarely ever read), deciding to go check them out and finding that they were on sale--40% off!!! How's that for manifesting!
• Faking it 'til I make it on the feeling hot thing.
• Shaina letting me comfort her today.
• Richard kickin' a$$ on map sales. He's added 35 new retailers.
• A nice massage from him last night.
• Knowing that the river is waiting for me...

Sense of Knowing

Today I'm also grateful for...

• River Walks.
• Seeing a racoon walking towards me on the trail.
• That my slow and deliberate pace allows me to see more of the animals because they aren't aware that I'm there until I'm within 15 to 20 feet of them.
• Seeing what I think is a mink (small sable weasel-like creature).
• Seeing a totally different kind of turtle today, she had a pointy nose and a kinda flat shell.
• Watching a crane fly overhead and being in awe of it's wingspan.
• Choosing to postpone re-taking my Algebra class until later.
• Listening to myself and what I need.
• Reading a description of how I feel when I walk in the woods. In the book God Is Red, the author was describing American Indian attitudes toward the land as "...[a] deep emotional sense of knowing that he or she belongs there." I felt so connected to that declaration. It totally descibes my experience, that I couldn't have put into words until now. Wow! Makes me wonder if it's a DNA thing.
• Deep Spiritual Questions and Answers
  ~What time is it? ...Now.
  ~Where are you? ...Right Here.
  ~Who are you? ...This Moment.
• How soothing it is when I repeat this to myself.
• Creative bartering and having a lawn service now (Thanks Richard!).
• The incredible pace of map sales this month. Richard is Rockin'.
• My attitude adjustment and how much better the new and improved attitude feels.
• The Universe assuring me that I have the power to face the challenges that lay ahead of me.
• You.

The Path to Self-Honoring.

Today I am Grateful For ~

• A Great Weekend with a wonderful bunch of womyn.
• Being able to provide roomy, luxurious (by camping standards) accommodations for my tent-mates.
• Feeling competent enough to drive towing a trailer.
• Being able to back it up a half a mile when we went down the wrong road.
• Backing all the way down the driveway and into the backyard when I got home. And impressing Richard as a result.
• My weekend including: Henna tattoos, boas, bubbles, love-note journals, unexpected gifts like t-shirts with incredible artwork on them, inspiring pins, coffee service, stories told w/zest, the sound of drums, laughing till it hurts, great food lovingly prepared, the love of friends, great examples of people who take responsibility for their own upsets~rather than blame others, strangers who'll take your picture if you ask, connecting with so many like-minded womyn.
• The Goddess and how she has reappeared in my life, just when I needed her.
• Mama Gena and the lessons she has to teach me.
• Realizing this weekend that I don't honor my own sense of time/timing. I'm always trying to keep up with others or hurry myself up before I'm ready. I have mistakenly thought that growth was pushing myself to keep pace with the rest of the world. Now I see that growth is making sure that I have enough time to do things at my pace (think sloth...the cute kind!).
• Knowing that my pace serves me and others, even when it doesn't seem like it.
• That I'm often described as soothing and calming...I love that about me!

This Moment

Today I Am Grateful For ~

• Returning to the ranks of the 4.0 students.
• How far this pushes me out of my comfort zone (as in...Are you sure? I got the 4.o? Me? No, you don't get it. I'm the really quiet one who doesn't get in to trouble, but never does her work. I'm the one that gets overlooked. I'm the one that teachers are always surprised at the grade they're giving me, as in --"Why am I giving you a C/D?" It can't possibly be me that earned those grades, can it?).
• Seeing and communing with the very likely, record-breaking, largest snapping turtle ever. I actually looked into her beautiful brown eyes and touched her back.
• The River Adventures I've been having....
• Finding a musketball imbedded in the riverbank.
• Seeing a one legged goose.
• Seeing racoons in the daytime.
• Seeing a groundhog (or as we refer to them, a friend/friends).
• Sitting on a fallen tree and watching the river flow underneath me~twice in the past week. Once by myself and once with Richard, a different tree each time.
• Powerful Questions and Powerful Answers, ie.:
• ~What time is it? ...Now.
• ~Where are you? ...Right Here.
• ~Who are you? ...This Moment.
• Radical Trust and leaping empty handed into the void.
• You and all you give to the world just by being here.